Friday, October 17, 2014

An Hour for the Books

Ok, 30 minutes. Actually, it was probably like 15.

For context, Ford woke up from his nap today with 102.2 fever. Needless to say he was less than thrilled with the world. Archie Boy had been eating every 1.5 hours for the previous 12 hours.

I had the great idea to do fingerpaints in the bathtub. Ford agreed on one condition. He strip down naked before getting in the tub. Alrighty, permission granted.

Naked Ford in the tub, fingerpaints laid out, paintbrush in hand. Archie placed in bassinet outside door. Talking but happy.

Doorbell rings. Oh dear. Me: 'Ford, stay right there.' Ford: 'Ford, stay right there.' Ok my little parrot.

I answer the door to the pest control man and quickly explain our recent inundatation with tiny hopping spiders. They're harmless he says. Can't spray for those because you have newborn. Ok, thanks pest control man.

Cue Ford screaming. I run in to find him holding himself up with his arms on either side of the bath while his feet ice skate through puddles of fingerpaint. "Slllllliiiippery" he screams, as he begins to pee into said fingerpaint. I take him out and stand him on the nice clean white towel.  In the process, he puts his paint brush covered in blue paint, INTO my mouth. Then he runs and jumps onto our white (why do we have so much white?!) bed.

I hear Archie not-so-subtley 'burping' (ahem. that's what Ford calls it but I assure you it is not), and I take three steps to see he too has painted... the bottom part of his bassinet in his a lovely shade of yellow.

A few seconds after that, the pest control man walks in, averts his eyes, and says, "I need to spray the drains because I saw a centipede coming up the drain in the other bathroom."

Then he leaves, and I look in the mirror. Blue fingerpaint around my mouth, a naked/painted/feverish child with snot running down his face ('Wash my paci!' he yells as the snot hits his mouth) in my arms, a baby nearby lying in poop, and oh, oops, I forgot to put back on my bra after the last feed.

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